


Dancing Through the Pain

by Thatlatebitch



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ballet Dancer Katsuki Yuuri, Confident Katsuki Yuuri, Dancer Katsuki Yuuri, F/F, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Other Character - Freeform, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Social Media, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 15:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatlatebitch/pseuds/Thatlatebitch
Summary: Katsuki Yuuri remembers all the times his body got little Mark's, scratches and bruises that weren't his but he always knew where they came from, his soulmate. His soulmate that had the same Mark as him, his soulmate that would love and cherish him forever.That was, until, his sister flipped on the TV and Yuuri experienced the most pain in his life. A pain that almost ruins his career as a dancer. But at the age of twelve, Yuuri gets the stupid idea to avoid his soulmate, an idea that his sister reminds him is stupid everyday.Yuuri learns to dance through the Pain, but he soon learns that he doesn't want to.





	1. A Waltz Through Life

Yuuri always liked the books and stories of soulmates. He learned how when you got hurt, your soulmate would get hurt also. He learned how when you first looked at your soulmate's soulmark yours would hurt until you and your soulmate kissed. Mari liked to describe it as an incentive for you and your soulmate to be together.

Ayako and Yuuri often fantasized about their soulmates while they did barre work and warm ups. Ayako wanted a pretty girl who was the same height as her as her soulmate. She claimed she didn't want to be the shortest anymore. Yuuri never cared what his soulmate looked like, although he often thought he would prefer a boy over a girl. Although, when he told that to a group of boys at school that piece of information and along with the fact that he does ballet, he got beat up and was called Yuuri the fairy for a year. After that, he kept his ballet and his preferences to himself.

As much as he fantasized about it when he was young, though, the real life deal he found was quiet different.

He remembered at five when a startling cut appeared on his forehead, a great cause of concern to his parents as he had just been sitting there. Eventially they just wrote it off as his soulmate doing something stupid, but it still concerned Yuuri. That was a pretty bad cut.

He noticed all the bumps and bruises he got from his soulmate and often wondered what they did in their spare time because it often ended up with Yuuri gaining multiple bruises. Yuuri couldn't complain, though, he could only imagine the leg aches and pains that his soulmate gets after a grueling ballet session with Minako.

The next time anything major happened was when Yuuri was six and woke up to find that he couldn't walk. After a trip to the ER, it was discovered that he had broken his ankle somehow. That's when Yuuri realized that his physical injuries were transferable.

Next time Yuuri wondered about his soulmate and his safety was when Yuuri was loaded onto the back of an ambulance after tearing a muscle in practice. He just hoped that he didn't mess up anything for his soulmate.

And at age ten, his life fell apart and it all started when Yuuri found his twin sister, half bled to death, lying in a pool of her blood on the bathroom floor. That's when the dark thoughts started, the dark thoughts that he would normally dance through but because of his torn muscle, couldn't. He was just left to wallow and let them escalate until he thought he only had one other option to relieve them, so he cut for the first time and the overwhelming shame he felt afterwards because he had hurt his soulmate just sent him deeper into his hole of self-loathing and self-harm. 

Then, he found that he only had one last option for relief and that were the pills and on his way to the hospital, he wondered if he had just almost killed his soulmate, killed his soulmate, or gave them really bad indgestion.

However after seeing a therapist and being diagnosed with clinical depression and getting the proper treatment, he was able to go back to dancing and was even accepted into ballet school on a full scholarship with his sister.

So, finally, at twelve Yuuri was back in a ballet school and had been for a year. He and his sister were going to be fine. But, they now had something completely new to worry about-their soulmates and what they would think of them when they found them. Now that Yuuri's white colored sun was dominating his back and his twin's green vine was making it's way down her arm, they both just worried more and more, actually, they worried to the point that they actively kept them covered. 

Yuuri sighed as he grabbed his right leg and pulled it up towards his head and began to stretch out, not bothering to wait for his sister. He knew he would get a disgruntled comment and a nose in the air, but he knew his twin sister would get over it, she always did.

"Yuuri!" Yurri was brought back to the present by his sister. As he set his leg down to pick up the other one as he watched his twin sister, Ayako Katsuki, bound and take her place at the barre in front of him as she almost absentmindedly over-extended her leg and hooked it around her neck. She must be very excited about something.

"Yes, Ayako, what's caught your fantasy today?" Yuuri asked in smooth French as he raised an eyebrow at his sister.

"Oh nothing, just that I hear Lilia Baranovskaya is coming here!" Ayako said practically bouncing up and down.

Yuuri rolled his eyes, "It's not weird for retired principals to return to and visit their old companies, especially when their old company is the Paris Opera."

"I know, but she's not going back to the company, she's coming to the school!" Ayako said and Yuuri stopped stretching to look at his sister. Yeah, that was kinda weird.

"Maybe she's just curious...we shouldn't read that much into it," Yuuri said and continued stretching. Yuuri did admire Lilia, not to the extent Ayako did, but he still did. It was hard not to. She was the youngest Prima Ballerina at the Paris Opera ever, and she also performed with the American Ballet Company, the Royal, and ultimately ended up at Bolshoi Company where she now teaches.

"Oh, let be excited for a few minutes, ツイン." The duo returned to their stretching and sibling banter when Yuuri noticed their teacher and...Lilia Baranovskaya enter the room. Thankfully his sister's back was turned and didn't notice as she went on with her stretches. Yuuri discreetly watched as he pulled his arm across his body and noticed his teacher speaking quietly and was more shocked when he and his sister were pointed to and Lilia nodded her head.

"Ayako, don't turn around but Lilia is here and she just pointed at us," Yuuri said and watched his sister's eyes go comically wide.

"Okay, class, to barre!" Their teacher called out and everyone was quick to move to their spots.

Yuuri moved with more grace that day than he thought was humanly possible, especially when Lilia Baranovskaya gaze was boring into you. He noticed, however, that Lilia was having a similar effect on Ayako and was thankful he wasn't the only one. Lilia Baranovskaya was nothing if not imposing. Yuuri guessed the rumors were not that far off.

They moved from barre to center and on to running through the show they were working on, with Ayako and Yuuri as the leads, and thankfully they ran their favorite part. Ayako and Yuuri could never give the romantic flare that some roles required, but they were two of the best dancers and worked seamlessly together which often ment they were paired for leads, although sometimes Ayako was given a different male partner and Yuuri was given a different female partner if a certain aura was needed.  

"Ayako, Yuuri, come here!" They heard cut across the class in thick French at the end of class as they were packing up their bags.

"Yes, mademoiselle," Ayako said and Yuuri helped her off the floor and the duo walked torwards their teacher.

"Ms. Baranovskaya would like to speak to you two out in the hallway alone," she said suddenly switching to English, something she never did. "Behave, I don't need you offending anyone, I've taught you too well for that. Run along, now."

They both nodded and followed Lilia, who still had yet to say anything, out into the hallway.

"Now," Lilia started in heavily accented English. "I'm assuming you two are very confused, correct?"

The two shot each other a look before nodding causing Lilia to smile.

"Well, I'll have you two know that it's not bad. I'd actually like the two of you to join me at Bolshoi as my personal proteges." Ayako looked like she was about to pass out and Yuuri felt a little lightheaded. One of the best Ballerinas ever to set foot on the Earth wanted to train them? It was literally a dream come true.

"W-we would be honored to join you, Madam Baranovskaya," Ayako got out in her own accented English and bowed a little.

"Perfect, we are leaving today for Russia!" Ayako almost fell over and Yuuri was barely able to get out a 'what?' through his shock.

"I've already booked our flight, first class, and I expect all your stuff to be in boxes and ready to send to Russia by 4:00 p.m. sharp, when I arrive, and you to be ready no later than 4:15 p.m.," She said and Ayako and Yuuri struggled to keep up.

"Huh?" Ayako let out blankly, her eyes glazed over, and suddenly Yuuri was glad he listened to his sister when she said he only needed as many clothes as would fit in a suitcase.

"Now, you'll need to pack quickly as you only have an hour. I'm a busy woman and we have much to work on," She said placing her hands on her hips.

Ayako looked at Yuuri with wide eyes and Yuuri would be lying if he wasn't feeling the same way as his sister, which was completely and utterly shocked.

"Uh..."

~

"Huh," Yurri said as he stepped off a plane into a Russian airport with his twin by his side and only two suitcases and eight boxes to their name. His head was quickly muddled with the quick Russian and English mixing around him. Suddenly, Yuuri wished he had taken the Russian classes he and his sister had taken more seriously.

"Madam Baranovskaya, I hope you had a good flight." Yuuri was brought back to the present by a younger woman who brightly greeted Lilia in heavily accented English, even more so than Lilia, before turning her attention to Ayako and Yuuri.

"Welcome to Russia Ayako and Yuuri Katsuki, we are honored that you are joining us," She said smiling tag the duo. All in all, Yuuri was just glad she wasn't speaking Russian. Ayako was fairly fluent in it, but Yuuri could only speak a few words. He guessed he would have to buckle down and learn it now.

"Yuuri, Ayako, this is my personal assistant, Ira Aleksandrov. She handles paperwork, schedules, living arrangements, things like that. It frees me to focus on my students and dance," Lilia said as Ira grabbed her carry-on. "Now, off to show you your apartments. I'm sure the two of you must be dreadfully tired."

Ayako and Yuuri were still in a bit of shock and stood there blank and it was now that Lilia finally noticed.

"What?" She asked as she and her assistant turned to look at them.

"We're in Russia," Ayako started.

"With Lilia Baranovskaya," Yuuri continued.

"We packed up everything...in an hour."

"We left on a plane for Russia to become proteges to Lilia Baranovskaya."

"Did we ever call Mom...or Dad...or Mari?"

"Nope...we should probably do that..."

"Should we tell Minako?"

"Minako would absolutely die."

"Are...you two okay?" Ira asked as she stared at the duo.

Ayako shook her head and rested it on Yuuri's shoulder as he looped their arms together. Ira gave them a weird look but Lilia told her to write it off as a twin thing as they walked out and into a cab and to an apartment building.

"Now, your room is provided by the school, obviously, and I know you two are siblings, but the schools policy on opposite sex members staying in the same room is very strict, so I did the next best thing," She said gesturing to two rooms side by side. Yuuri noticed that they were the only rooms on this hallway in this very nice apartment complex. He got the feeling his appartment was going to be quiet lavish.

"Oh, we are going to have so much fun together," Lilia said with what Yuuri assumed was a devilish smile.

~

"Do you think they show ballet on TV?"

Yuuri snorted as he picked up a large bowl of popcorn and threw it onto his sister's lap, although, he didn't do it as hard as normal as he might have a heart attack if the buttery popcorn got onto his sister's very expensive couch.

"Nope," he says than looks closely at the TV. "But it looks like figure skating is."

Ayako chuckled as she threw some popcorn in her mouth. "Yuuko would die if she knew us, the great ballet twins, were watching figure skating...Viktor Nikiforov looks Russian. I like his hair, oh, he's 16, only four years older than us."

Yuuri watched the man skate onto the eyes, his arms crossed over his chest and he was trying his best to keep the cameras off his back. Yuuri couldn't lie, he was very attractive.

"Yeah, cool, but, Ayako, he's hot," Yuuri said smirking as he threw some popcorn in his mouth.

"I wouldn't know, I don't bat that way," Ayako said smiling and pulling out her phone.

"Yeah, I noticed how you stared all lesson at the German red-head, what's her name...Rachel Van Dan Akker?" Yuuri asked and laughed as Ayako shoved him.

"Shut up, I was not! Either way, apparently the love of your life is some hot shit back in Russia. Apparently, they're calling him the next big figure skater," Ayako said scrolling through her phone.

Yuuri and Ayako watched him take his starting pose and Ayako leaned forward to watch. Yuuri heard the music flow through the TV and Victor did a quick spin and stop and suddenly Yuuri had a full veiw of Victor's soulmark on his back and suddenly pain flourished on his back.

He groaned as he leaned forward, gripping at the fabric of his shirt. He knew Ayako was looking at him with concern, his sister could read him like a book just like he could read her, and such a blatant sign would surely tip her off.

"Yuuri, what's wrong?" Ayako asked before she grew quiet. "Yuuri, take off your shirt."

"Wow, how forward of you, sis-" Yuuri was cut off by his sister ripping his shirt up and looking at his aggravated, painful soulmark and he heard her gasp.

"Oh, brother, what has he done to you?"

Although, at that point in time, all Yuuri wanted to do was laugh bitterly and correct his sister.

"More like what has he done to him," Yuuri said gripping at his back and he heard Ayako sigh.

"Yuuri...what are you going to do?" Ayako asked, very concerned about her brother's well being.

"What do you think, sis? I'm going to live with it," He said, wincing as Ayako touched it.

"Yuuri, this is a very bad idea," Ayako said, still looking at her brother.

"...I know."

~

The next days lesson was horrible. He messed up all his moves in class and when they got to their private lesson with Lilia, he could barely do a plié. Not only was he constantly dropping his sister, but on some moves she was supporting him. Finally, after two hours, Lilia found it pitiful enough to stop them.

"Yuuri, what is wrong with you?" She asked as Yuuri practically fell against the wall and Ayako wasn't far behind sitting next to him crossed legged and offering him a bottle of ibuprofen, which he gratefully accepted.

"Are you...Are you hurt? Katsuki, are you dumb enough to come into my studio and dance while you're hurt?" Lilia asked, the demanding woman standing expectantly in front of the duo with her hands on her hips.

"Ma'am, I-"

"I will have none of this," Lilia said before pointing to the door. "Go home, both of you, and I don't expect to see you back here until you've recovered, Yuuri. Now out!"

Ayako and Yuuri Katsuki left a dance studio faster than they ever had before in their lives.

~

Over the next few days, Yuuri's pain had decreased to a throb and he had finally been able to do it, that is with his darling sister's help of course. He had finally been able to dance through the pain.

He sat on the couch with a sigh as his sister brought over a mug of tea which Yuuri accepted gratefully.

After a few minutes of silence his jittery sister finally asks something he had been waiting to hear for a week.

"Are you ever going to go to him?" 

Yuuri chuckles bitterly at her statement. 

"After everything I've done to him? Never."


	2. One Foot in Front of the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Mila gets her hands on Yuuri

"Phitchit, no," Yuuri said as he threw his clothes into a bag. "I've got late shows tonight and early rehearsals tomorrow. I can't go out drinking."

"Your loss," his friend and roommate of the past two years that Yuuri has been with the American Ballet Theater said as he threw stuff into his own bag.

After Lilia retired as a teacher from Bolshoi and said the twins were now free to go wherever they wanted and she would follow, Yuuri and Ayako were quick to get out of Russia, mostly Yuuri though. Now, the twenty-one year olds are Principal Dancers at ABT and happily living their lives.

"No, my gain, I won't be hungover for rehearsal. I know you're whole figure skating deal is a lot more lenient, but Lilia would have my head if I went to class hungover," The 21-year-old said smirking at his best friend who pouted.

"Loser," Phichit said and shoved Yuuri who laughed.

"Yuuri, open up!" He heard shouted and then heard three loud bangs on the door.

"Ding dong, the witch is here," Phichit said as he opened the door only to Ayako glaring on the other side.

"I resent that," She said then walked in, throwing her bag to the side.

"Oh, come on, sis," Phichit said slinging his arm around her shoulder, making her laugh.

"Hey," Yuuri said pointing. "Mine, hands off."

"Share your sister, Yuuri, we all like her. Did you know I always wanted a twin," Phichit said.

"One, no you don't, two, that's not quite how it works, Phichit," Yuuri said and ignored his twin's over exaggerated pout.

"I think it would be two mes," Phichit said and that caused Ayako's pout to turn into a snort.

"Well, I always did want another brother, preferably younger, you and Mari were very overbearing," Ayako said smiling.

"Oh, shush, you know you love us," Yuuri said and zipped up his bag and threw it over his shoulder. Ayako walked to the door and grabbed her bag and Yuuri was right behind her.

"Now, I expect you to go straight there and come straight back, no getting distracted. If you do get distracted, however, drugs are bad, drink responsibly, and I want you back by twelve," Phichit said as Yuuri rolled his eyes and walked out behind his sister.

"Bye, Phichit."

"Oh, and if a man offers you a brownie on the side of the road, don't take it!" He called down the hall and cackled when Ayako flipped him off as the duo rounded the corner.

~

Ayako paced back stage, her tutu flouncing as she walked and mumbled her moves under her breath. Yuuri sighed as he watched her in his own costume. He knew Ayako was nervous as her partner had gotten hurt and had to be replaced, and she had only done one run through with him. They had done it flawlessly, it was even better than the run throughs with her previous partner, but she was still nervous.

"Ayako, you'll be fine," Yuuri said in Japanese, the language usually having a calming effect, and approached his sister who had turned to look at him.

"I know, it's just he's a soloist that was pushed into a principal role, we've only run it one time, and I'm just, uhg!" She said dropping her head into her hands and Yuuri pulled her into a hug. 

"Sis, you're amazing and you two won't mess up, you'll do great. Hey, even if you two do mess up, everyone will still be too stunned by your gorgeous solo to notice," Yuuri said smiling and watched some of his sister's usual confidence return.

"Yeah, okay, we can do this," Ayako said smiling, a little less jittery. 

"I know you can," Yuuri said smiling and heard the call to get into position.

"Here we go," Ayako said and the two moved to their positions.

The show began and both Yuuri and Ayako had done beautifully and they could tell if the rare smile that Lilia wore was anything to go by. The jumps and the steps had all been on time and perfect, until he heard a gasp from the crowd and the flash of cameras. Yuuri remembered looking around but saw no injuries or anyone on the ground, so whatever it was must have been somewhere else, but the shocked look on his sister's face when he caught her during a quick partner shift told him otherwise and the boiling look on Lilia's face confirmed it.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch, but it all went down hill when the stars of the show went out to meet the patrons and reporters and he was bombarded with questions about his soulmark.

Then it all made sense, his costume back must have got pulled down enough to show the top part of his mark. His now throbbing, aching mark. Then, the question of the night was asked.

"Are you aware of the similarities between your mark and that of figure skater Viktor Nikiforov's?"

"I-I uh..."

"We don't like talking about it, sorry," Yuuri heard Ayako say and a jacket get wrapped around his shoulders. He felt a hand on his back and was being gently guided towards the door. He would have to thank Ayako later.

Ayako walked him to their apartment complex a block away and got up to their apartment. Yuuri heard a distant knock and Phichit's voice.

"Oh, you guys are back early. Yuuri, I pulled out some...Yuuri? Ayako what happened?" Yuuri felt himself be pulled in and sat down.

"His costume got pulled down and showed his soulmark," Ayako said.

"Well, that's okay, right?" Phichit asked.

"His soulmark was shown off at the first show of the year performed by the American Ballet Theater, and he's a principal dancer. Those pictures and videos are going to get around," Ayako said but Yuuri was too zoned out to agree.

"Is that a bad thing, though?" Phichit asked as he brought what looked like tea over.

"Phichit," Ayako started before sighing. "This is kinda hard to explain, but we don't really want to find our soulmates...actually, Yuuri already knows who his is, it's just...complicated."

"What!" Phichit said as he set the tea on the coffee table. "What do you mean you don't want to find your soulmates?"

"We hurt them..." Yuuri said distantly, still staring straight ahead. How could he have been so careless.

"Guys, everyone has hurt their soulmate at one point or another. You shouldn't..." Yuuri looked up to see Phichit staring at Ayako's scarred arms from years of cutting. "I...guess that's a little more complicated."

"Really Phichit? I never would have guessed," Ayako said sarcastically then rolled her sleeves down. "Now, I need to get him out of his costume so I can take it back."

~

"Mila!" Mila heard shouted across the ice as she mindlessly scrolled through her computer.

"Yes, Yakov?" She asked, not bothering to look at him.

"Are you going to get on the ice, Babicheva, or are you going to piddle around on that computer all day?" Yakov shouted over from where he was standing by the rink.

"Just come on, he'll just get angry at me if you don't," Yuri said before returning to the laps he was doing around Georgi who was working on his jumps.

"I don't think you can't not make him angry Yura," Victor said as he laced up his skates. Mila was just sad that the normal playfulness that is usually in Viktor's voice isn't there. She didn't know what she was expecting, though, it hadn't been there in months. More specifically after Bryant. Either way, Mila needed to focus, Sara had said that this was very important and that Mila really needed to read it, and Mila was a slave to her gorgeous soulmate so she was happy to oblige.

"Oh, shut up," Yuri said as he skated. "I'm not that bad. Certainly not as bad as you are."

"He's got a point," Mila said and then clicked on the link that pulled up the article that Sara wanted her to read.

TWINS TAKE THE WORLD OF BALLET BY STORM

Mila read in big bold letters and the first thing she saw was a picture of two quite frankly beautiful ballet dancers in what looked like mid performance. Hey, just because she had a soulmate doesn't mean she couldn't call out the fact that there were some beautiful people in the world.

"What are you even looking at, Mila?" She heard Victor ask as she scrolled to where the article started.

"Well, first I was looking at two very hot ballet dancers and now I'm reading an article about them. I want to put on record that this is all at Sara's request," Mila said then started reading.

-Ayako and Yuuri Katsuki were the stars in the first show of the year at the American Ballet Theater. Being the two newest Principal dancers in the company, everyone was expecting them front and center as is tradition in the ballet world, but the performance the twins gave in last night's showing of 'Jewels', 'Giselle', and 'Don Quixote' was absolutely stunning. 

The twins have been taking the ballet world by storm having been trained and performed with some of the most prestigious companies and schools such as the Paris Opera and Bolshoi, but only being in the Corde and soloists never gave them time to shine as many wished to see. Now, front and center, Ayako Katsuki gave a beautiful showing as lead in both Diamonds and as Giselle. Her brother didn't disappoint either with his lead in Emeralds and as Don Quixote.-

"Why can't you do what you're supposed to do? Skate!" Yakov said before rubbing his temple and sighing.

"Hey, this is actually very interesting," Mila said as she watched a quick video on the side labeled 'Ayako Katsuki Giselle Grand pas de deux' and was enraptured by her. It was amazing how fluid and graceful the woman was. Mila strives to one day enrapture a crowd like that, the way Ayako has demanded every eye be on her because she is the star, because she's the best.

"Oh, ballet can't be that interesting. All it's good for is putting you to sleep," Yuri said.

"No, they are, like, the ballet equivalent of Viktor. I'm watching her dance and it feels like she's sucking me in, demanding my attention be on her and only her. She's amazing and she knows it," Mila said and she continued reading.

-The duet are being heralded as the best dancers to come along in the century. We guess training under the one and only Lilia Baranovskaya will do that.

Unfortunately, tonight, we were unable to see them dance together at all. What a shame, because that would have made the night. Maybe that was purposefully done by the Company, to keep patrons returning, hoping that they will be able to see the famous twins dance together. Although, to us, it just seems like a missed opportunity on the company.-

"Mila, you're a figure skater, so how about you come skate!" Yakov shouted but Mila continued to ignore Yakov on favor of texting Sara.

___________

Mila:  
Hey!  
Guess what I just read!

Sara 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, and here it is. Sorry I left it there, it got to 4000 words and I decided that that is where it should stop. Either way I hope you like it! 
> 
> Btw, I probably won't update everyday, I just got excited.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first Yuri on ice fanfic, so it might be a little rough. (I'm sorry in advance). Also, sorry if the characters are a but ooc, not only do I not have much experience writing these characters, but I have fudged some backstories.
> 
> Also, I'm using two soulmate AUs (marks hurt when one soulmate looks and is relived by a kiss and the AU where physical wounds also appear on the other soulmate) because I'm a wishy-washy lady that can't make up her mind.
> 
> Translations:
> 
> ツイン (Tsuin)- Twin
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy and I would love to know what you think!
> 
> Revision 1: Jan 9, 2017
> 
> (There is no beta, so I'm doing all my own editing. Sorry if stuff slips through the cracks)


End file.
